Free Your Mind

Despite making my way through the public school system and loving English classes, I managed to miss out on reading some classics.

To Kill a Mockingbird? Nope. The Great Gatsby? Missed it. Anything by Charles Dickens? Negative. Red Badge of Courage? Not so much.

Yet, our culture is full of allusions to these types of literature. So, what’s a girl to do?

When I was commuting a lot for my job, I reveled in the joy of audiobooks. Instead of listening to disc jockeys on the radio play the same Top 40 stuff again and again or hear themfail miserably while trying to solve people’s problems, I went to my local library and attempted to culture myself. The library started as a good resource, but I quickly went through the books that were interesting to me. And, as audiobooks are not cheap, the library’s selection was not very extensive.

So imagine my joy when I found that there were 100 free audio books, ripe for the taking! )I always enjoy maximizing the free. So, now, for your enjoyment, I share them with you- download them to your ipod during your Thanksgiving travels. You know you’re going to get stuck at the airport or in traffic anyway, so why not be entertained while you wait?

Enjoy!

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Taking Chances

Last weekend, C. made the announcement that he was stepping down as youth pastor at our church.

The announcement is the result of God putting us in a transitional period. We’ve pretty much been in this period since my father passed away in May. At that time, my father died and our lease on our apartment was up. C. and I struggled with choosing the wise thing to do. Should we stay in our current apartment and try to comfort my mother and brother as best we could while living an hour away, thus limiting the amount of upheaval for me? (Moving and changing  jobs are usually stressful to begin with, let alone when there’s a death in the family, right?) Or, should we move closer to them to help them with the transition of going through things and selling the house?  In the end, we decided to stay in our current apartment. However, I’m not sure that we chose correctly.

Many people have been asking C.  how I have been handling his resignation. Most people know that I like order and planning, so they naturally question how I’m doing considering that C. does not yet have another job lined up and the economy is in shambles.

You see, here’s how I know that this it totally a God thing: I have no anxiety about this whatsoever. Me! Can you believe it?! I have complete and utter faith that God is in control of this situation. I don’t know what He has in store for me. I don’t know if He’ll quickly make it clear where C. should go into ministry next. I don’t know anything about God’s timing other than I remain confident that I will be able to look back at this period and clearly see God’s perfect timing in my life. No, that doesn’t help me to plan for right now or for my future, but that’s okay.

I think that part of the reason I am able to be so mature about this time of transition is that God has made it clear that staying here is outside of His will. While C. and I both have maintained meaningful relationships with our friends and students here, we have both experienced a variety of professional and personal frustrations. Stumbling blocks, if you will. (C. and I had a marriage prep book that counseled us to “turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones” and the corny, yet helpful phrase has continued to stick with me. Hee hee.) However, now that I am working through said stumbling blocks, I can see that they are really blessings. They really have helped me to see that God has something else/somewhere else in store for me and C.

And that is how I can be at peace with the unknown. So, truly, I say thanks to my stumbling blocks for turning into stepping stones. You have helped me to realize that God has something new and exciting for me.

Don’t Stop Believin’

Several weeks ago I initiated an attempt at a loving, cathartic apology.  However, I didn’t expect much to happen from it other than knowing that it was “the wise thing to do.”

Well, I have certainly been taught a lesson about my skepticism! You see, I often go into situations with pretty low expectations. That way, I am theoretically disappointed less often. (This is not the case in reality, but, uhm, anyway…)

You’ll be pleased to know that my efforts to apologize were met warmly and that an apology and partial acknowledgment of responsibility were even offered in return. Imagine that! Okay, so this whole process should have happened roughly a decade ago, but I am nevertheless thankful that it has occurred.

This whole process gives me confidence in God for other confrontations that I will inevitably have in my future. It’s really a test of my obedience. Am I willing to do as God asks and have the tough conversations ? (Thanks, Matthew 15.) Am I willing to go to others and admit wrong doing? Am I willing to forfeit my immediate comfort for long-term benefits? I should be able to say “yes!” with confidence rather than a begrudging, “fine, but only because you say so” attitude.

Time is Running Out

All Around the World

When I was 20, I circumnavigated the globe. I’ve been in every time zone. Through the wonder that is Semester at Sea,  as study abroad program, I made port in the following places: Vancouver, Canada; Osaka, Japan; Shanghai, China; Hong Kong, China; Penang, Malaysia; Chennai, India; Mombasa, Kenya; Cape Town, South Africa; Salvador, Brazil; Havana, Cuba; and we finally stopped in Florida, United States.

In my time abroad, I saw a lot. There was the safari I went on in a rugged matatu. I witnessed the majesty of the Taj Mahal. Twice. Fidel Castro and Desmond Tutu lectured me on world affairs. When a begging orphan ducked behind me, I nearly got hit by a police officer. I sang “What a Mighty God We Serve” in English while the person next  to me sang it in Swahili. A sword wielding tai chi master taught me his craft. I ate sushi, wild boar, and ostrich for the first time. I learned a great about myself once I was not surrounded by my friends and support systems. The trip was genuinely life changing and no number of stories, photos, or blog posts can do it justice.

However, I blame my journey on a significant problem I have. I’ve caught the travel bug.

I dream of enjoying the breezes off the Mediterranean. Swimming amongst the fish in tropical reefs off of Australia. Exploring the Hermitage and all of its treasures. Spending a night in an ancient castle in Europe. Cruising from port to port around the Carribbean.

I have fueled my unhealthy obsession by subscribing to any number of travel deals. I’m a bargain shopper at heart. I love countries where I can bargain and feel like I’ve walked away with a deal while fairly sustaining the local economy. So, now I troll travel deals. Budgettravel.com, TravelZoo, Sherman’s Travel, and Cruise Critic are my daily companions. I joined Twitter merely so I could be privvy to its excusive travel bargains.

Yet, C. is a dedicated Disneyworld visitor. It’s his happy place. For him, it truly is the happiest place on Earth. At Disney he knows he will be happy and taken care of and he can relax because he knows what to expect and it’s good. He doesn’t have to worry about stress of dirty hotels, frantic itineraries, or getting lost or mugged. I enjoy Disney too, particularly for some of the food. However, for me, I don’t feel the need to go every year when there are so many places I haven’t been.

What about you? Do you like going on vacation to somewhere reliable each year? Or do you revel in going to places unknown? How do you compromise with travel companions who have differing opinions of where to go each time?

Smile

I think that you’ll really enjoy this Let me know what you think!

New Kid in School

In Defense of Secular Colleges

I grew up in  Christian home. However, I was neither home schooled nor sent to Christian elementary, middle, or high schools. I went to public school and  think it served me pretty well. I got a great education. Yet, I still went to church each week and participated in youth group and eventually became Bible Study Coordinator. (Yes, go ahead and mock my dorkiness.) Overall, I think I did a decent job of understanding what it meant to be a Christian in a secular world.

So, when it came time for me to apply to colleges, I didn’t limit myself to only applying to Christian colleges since I did not intend on pursuing professional ministry. In fact, I only applied to one. And it was my safety school.

My argument is this: You can still be a strong Christian and go to a non-Christian college. And it will be okay.  I am thoroughly convinced that God will still have every opportunity to communicate with you and work through you wherever you are. You see, going to a Christian college will not shield you from drunkenness, unplanned pregnancy, or eating disorders. Conversely, going to a secular college will still provide you with opportunities to talk about God and grow in your faith.

I appreciate students at our church who look at colleges for strong journalism programs, regardless of their religious affiliation. Why? Because I’m confident that God can do a good work in them wherever they are and that the students should go to the best programs possible for their desired field. Imagine what God could do through these students if they go forth and become influential news anchors or editors! Imagine if we had even more top-level Christian biologists, politicians, and economists! We could change the world.

This is not to demean Christian colleges or the people that go into professional ministry. (Afterall, my husband is one of them!) I just want to point out to students and parents alike that it’s okay if you’re  a Christian going to a non-Christian college. I know of some parents who think that they have somehow failed if their child doesn’t decide to pursue a Christian-based education. To that thought, I say: Don’t rule out schools because of their religious-affiliation. Instead, go where God is calling you. That may be a Christian college. It may be a secular one. It may be taking time off to do missons or service work for a year or more. And, as much as it hurts my many years of expensive education to say this: it may mean never continuing your education. God works in mysterious and wonderful ways. He has limitless ways in which His people can follow Him and be successful in the pursuit.

And, sometime that pursuit will take you through a secular school.

God Bless the Child

As you grow older, there are a series of questions which you can rarely avoid.

It all starts out very innocently, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Adults ask this to children as a way of making conversation. Sometimes adults just don’t know how to converse with children. They worry that asking, “What’s the purple thing you’re making out of play-doh?” will somehow be offensive since they cannot immediately identify the creation themselves. At any rate, many children can tell you what they want to be- a superhero, a fireman, a dentist, a veterinarian. The answer may change from day to day, but they have an answer.

As you get older, the question evolves a bit and gets harder to answer. Depending on the time of year, I can get many a high-school senior to break into a cold sweat by asking a combination of  “What are you doing after high school?” or “Where are you going to college?” or “Do you know what your major is going to be?”

After college or the equivalent time span, the inevitable question gets to be more personal if you’re dating someone. Parents, who were once wary of you so much as looking at the opposite sex, are suddenly wondering, “When are you going to get married?”

Yet, getting married will not end the line of questions. What follows is the most personal question, the question that I am currently enduring- “When are you going to have a baby?”

Babies. Sigh. C. and I have been married for almost three years. Many people are curious as to when we will start a family. Within the last year my mother has commented, “I’m counting down the days until I have grandchildren.” I looked at her aghast and responded, “From what are you counting!?” (C. and I originally said we would wait at least three years before having kids. She interpreted this as would start having kids after three years.) C.’s dad built a playhouse in his backyard, proclaiming, “If you build it, they will come!” The teenage girls I mentor continually suggest that I start having children. Apparently, they all really want babysitting jobs.

Rarely does the question come in the form of the more polite, “Are you guys going to have kids?” Instead people assume that it’s only a matter of time before babies will appear. They don’t consider that maybe we don’t want kids or are unable to have them. Consider this, people: Isn’t it salt in the wound if you keep asking when a couple is having a baby, when in truth they have tried and are unable to? This is not the case for C. and I, as far as we know, but I urge you to give this question a little more thought in the future.

To be fair, C. has made it clear that he’s ready for kids. He wants to be a young dad. As for me, I suppose I’m the one holding up the whole process. Ignoring the complexities of C. being anti-daycare and figuring out finances, it really comes down to this- Do I want a baby and, if so, when?

One of the problems I have is that I don’t feel the urge to be a mom yet. I know of other women who just can’t wait to be a mom and know that ultimately that is what they want most in the world. But I don’t have that feeling. Do I need that feeling before having a baby? Or will that feeling come along once I find out I’m pregnant? Will that feeling ever come and if not, will that be okay? I think that I want kids…. eventually. I just don’t really know when.

Another problem is that I’m both stubborn and a people pleaser. Everyone already has the idea that I should be having  a baby. Yet, I want it to be my idea. Clearly, that’s no longer possible. So, am I just digging in my heels to be difficult? Is that inhibiting me from being more in-tune with my maternal desires? Or, do I have the opposite problem? Am I thinking about and considering babies because I’m getting a little/some/ a lot of pressure from various sources? Or because it’s something I want? You all are making it increasingly difficult to tell!

If you’re a mom, what was is like for you? Did you always know you wanted kids? At what point did you decide you wanted kids? When, if ever, did your desire to be a mom kick in? We need to talk.

If you’re not a mom, what are some other questions that you hate being asked?

You Get What You Give

I am confident that there is no one on this earth who passed through middle school and high school without some kind of drama. Relationships change all the time. Alliances shift. Feelings are hurt.

The Love book brought up these types of lovely memories as it spoke to me about patience and forgiveness. The chapters really tried to drive home that people matter more than goals or tasks.  It focused on shifting one’s mindset from one seeking justice to one of love and forgiveness.  Sigh. Forgiveness. It’s amazing how long one can hold a grudge and hold on to hurt, right?

In my junior year of high school, I tended to hang out with the guys in my youth group. No, it wasn’t because I had crushes on them (although I’m sure I had a crush on one of them or another at various points, so it was a perk) but it was because they were honest and fun. In the meantime, my girl friends at high school were having a particularly drama filled year. The guys gave me a break from the drama. We grew close and I cherished our friendships.

Then, it all changed. My youth pastor asked me to be the Bible Study Coordinator for our youth group. It was a sought after position and there were many possible candidates during my senior year. I initially turned down the position, but was asked again and convinced to accept the responsibility. For reasons I don’t yet fully understand, my relationships with the guys crumbled. From my perspective, they grew to be judgmental, distant, and did their best to sabotage my leadership. We were no longer on friendly terms and I feared them. I feared that the people who I had once treasured would say cruel and hurtful things to me. My fear prevented me from truly reaching out to them in order to understand what happened and resolve our issues. I still cannot look at my senior year in youth group fondly.

While forgiving these guys will not make my senior year any better, The Love book has convinced me that I need to “find freedom from the grip of anger” and at the very least be released from what I recognize is my own failure in the relationships. I recognize that my fear held me back from resolving the issue sooner. My fear is partly to bleme for our failed friendships.

Will me contacting these guys be bringing up matters better left buried? Perhaps. But I don’t want to hold on to bitterness any longer. Will they write back and ask for forgiveness in return? Probably not, but I will be able to know that I have done my best to forgive them and ask for forgiveness. Is this going to be easy? Hardly.

Hungry Eyes

J., B., and I love food. It’s one of the things that bonds us together. For a period, each Sunday night, we gathered together to watch The Next Food Network Star. When we make plans to get together, our conversation quickly turns to figure out who will bring what to the festivities. Our kitchens often hold the serving platters of the other two.

So, when a movie about Julia Child (and Julie Powell) was announced, we were pretty darn excited. And Amy Adams and Meryl Streep were in it! Even better! We made plans to see it together as soon as possible.  But then one of us was out of town when it premiered. And then someone had a family commitment. A wedding reception. Night classes. Company meetings in the evening. The point is, it took us six weeks to finally get our act together and see Julie and Julia.

Fortunately, our high expectations were met. We drooled over the buttery golden bread, delicate fish, and perfectly whipped cream. We laughed at the antics of Julia and the learning curve of Julie. We compared their eccentric behaviors to ones we sometimes exhibit ourselves.

Of course, we hadn’t even left the theater before we needed to have a French-themed dinner party. We already have a Mexican Fiesta progressive dinner in the works and don’t want to reschedule that, so the French dinner party will be sometime after that.

boeuf bourguinon

Each of us will be challenged to complete a recipe from the cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child, Louisette Bertholle, & Simone Beck. I’m sure that one of us will tackle boeuf bourguignon (the gustational star of Julie and Julia) and I have made it clear that I will not de-bone a duck. Other than that, who knows what we’ll decide to do! I’ll keep you posted on our menu and the results from our efforts! (This could be an epic win or an epic fail.)